Fic: Closure
Oct. 5th, 2008 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cloversworld
Title: Closure
Author: clover71
Pairing: David Cook/ David Archuleta
Rating: PG
Description: I made my own little word prompt not too long ago, which I use to come up with fic ideas, and this is one of them, at least the title is.
Summary: Cook needed to move on with his life after David left. But after eleven months of absence, David returned. Is it too late for David to get Cook back?
Disclaimer:
1) Please note that this is purely fiction and none of the contents are real except for some of the characters used in this story.
2) Most characters used are based on real people but the details within do not purposely imply occurrences in real life; thus, anything here that concurs with real events may be completely coincidental.
3) This fic is created based solely on the imagination of the author and for non-profitable purpose.
Warning: This is somehow full of angst. If you don't like unhappy endings, please don't read. This is just sort of an exercise I took to explore more sides in writing fics.
Author's notes: I never thought I'd end up writing angsty fics. It breaks my heart whenever I read one, so writing one was something I never imagined. But my friend![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
radcliffe_bass had been talking about a plot for a story about break-ups and she sort of challenged me to write one. So I gave in. I haven't written angst my whole life, at least not that I can remember. So forgive me if this comes across as totally lame because I honestly do not know what I'm doing. Anyway, the discussion my friend and I had all started with the song from 98 degrees called 'The Hardest Thing.' (lyrics here)
~ start ~
The smell of fresh coffee beans wafted through the almost empty coffee shop that sat at the corner of a not-so-busy street in Los Angeles. The man in his late twenties had been staring blankly at the cup of café latte on the table, one hand wrapped lightly around the cup and the other successively tapping on the table.
David Cook wondered why David Archuleta suggested meeting at that coffee shop. It holds too many memories that he was not sure he could endure. Nonetheless, he was thirty minutes early. For some reason hidden beneath his subconscious thoughts, he could not wait to see the younger man who he had not seen nor talked to for eleven months. And as he had expected, the place had suddenly brought reminiscences as far as he could grasp.
This was the place where he and David would often rendezvous. They found the place almost three years back during their tour rehearsals for the American Idol summer tour where they both had the best times of their lives. It was a memory worth reliving. That coffee shop was where he professed his feelings for David before the tour started. It was where he and David would meet to escape the pressures during the completion of their first albums. It was where he had asked David to move in with him soon after he turned 18. It was where he had given David the promise ring. And it was where David returned the promise ring and told him that he had decided to reacquaint himself with his church. This was the place where Cook found himself whole and it was the same place where he broke into a million pieces.
Cook checked his watch. Ten minutes more. He thought. David had called him the day before, asking him if they could talk. So he agreed to meet him at the place where they came back often when they started living together. It only made Cook wonder what had happened between them. Their friends, most of whom took quite a long time to accept their relationship, have thought that they were a perfect couple. They were happy. Until their newfound lives nearly pushed them over the edge. And that’s when David sought peace of mind by going on his Mormon mission.
The young man walked into the coffee shop and instantly smiled when he saw Cook. The mere radiance emanated from David’s face pierced spitefully through Cook’s heart as emotions that he thought he had successfully heaved into the hard, cold corners of his heart had inevitably surfaced and he had the urge to get up from his seat and pull the younger man into a hug. However, he also remember that fateful night when David had told him that he had decided to try to follow the path that his society had chosen for him, leaving what they had in the process. And that thought made Cook remain on his seat.
“Hey Cook,” David greeted as he slid into the booth Cook occupied. “Am I late?”
Cook shook his head after taking a swig from his now cold latte. “No. I was just early. Tried to avoid early morning traffic.” He lied. He reminded himself not to show any emotions although he realized from the moment David stepped into his view that he still had feelings for him. He still loves him. But that’s not what he came here for. That’s basically far from the reason why he agreed to meet with him. “Would you like to order something?”
David nodded. And after the waitress had taken their orders and had served David a cup of hot chocolate and Cook a fresh cup of brewed coffee, the young man started his petty talks. He briefly gave Cook an account of his Mormon mission in Honduras and Mexico. After the release of his first album, David had tolerated the limelight that came along with his fame. Although, he had spent the better part of the year after idol contemplating on his purpose in life, he was grateful to have Cook. The older man was his source of strength. He loved him with all his heart. When celebrity life became too much to handle though, David found himself resorting to his church when he spent Christmas in Murray the year after the idol tour. It was then he got the submitted his name to go on a mission. And few months later, he received the call so he decided to place his career on hiatus and looked into what he had originally planned to do before idol.
One of the consequences of this carefully thought out decision was placing his relationship with Cook on hold. He couldn’t chance letting his church know about it because he just wasn’t ready yet to risk excommunication.
“So…” David had finished rambling, “what have been keeping you busy?”
Cook tried hard to avoid his gaze. “David… what is it you wanted to talk about? Why did you ask us to meet here?”
David was silent for a moment. The fact that Cook had been calling him by his first name since he arrived suggested that things had grown awkward between them during his long absence. His voice trembled as he spoke. “Look, Cook. I know we never had a proper break up before I left…” He looked up at the older man who had finally met his eyes. “W-while I was on my mission, I’ve uhm… I’ve learned what the important things ought to be in someone’s life. And I realized that the important thing in my life was… YOU.”
Cook could not believe what he was hearing. The last time he and David spoke face to face, the young man had made him feel that he was not enough to resolve David’s miseries. “David, it’s been eleven months. Do you have any idea what I went through after you packed your bags and left? I spent the better half of it blaming myself for not loving you enough. I cursed and punished myself thinking that I could not bring you enough happiness to make you stay.“
David reached out his hand to touch Cook’s but the older man quickly flinched away. He was hurt by Cook’s reaction but tried to keep a straight face, fighting the tears that threaten to fall. “I’m really, really sorry Cook. I know apologizing would not make up for the lost times…” tears suddenly streamed down David’s cheeks, “but I’m sure now more than ever that my love for you is strong enough to make my life worth living.”
His eyes began to blur and Cook had to bite his lower lip to prevent tears from spilling. “You… you don’t know, don’t you?”
“Know what?”
“Haven’t you been reading magazines or watching entertainment news?”
“Cook, I’ve been on the poor communities in Honduras and Mexico on a mission. I did not have the luxury of magazines and TV,” David explained. And then, his expression turned from hopeful to worry, “why Cook? Is there something I need to know?”
Cook steeled himself, hanging on to the reminder that he could not let his emotions betray him. He had to be tough, had to be strong, for both their sakes. “Like I said David, you were gone for eleven months without so much of a word. I thought you have finally found the peace you sought for. So after months of self-pitying and self-loathing, I uhm…” Cook looked David straight in the eye, “I moved on.”
The younger man stared at him blankly, brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean you moved on?”
Cook cleared his throat and gathered enough courage he needed to break the news. “David… when you left, I was totally devastated. I was broken. I happened to cross paths with Kim one night as I was heading out of the studio. And she stuck around since. She had been a good friend who had been there for me every step of the way while I picked up the broken pieces; and she helped me put myself back together.”
“B-but… sh-she’s just a friend right?” David was slightly trembling; fear swept throughout his body as he dread to hear more of what Cook had to say. “Just like when we were on uhm…on idol tour?”
It was difficult to keep a straight face as Cook could feel the burning sensation of tears behind his eyelids. But he managed. “Listen David… Kim was the one who had been there for me when I felt lost. And so I could not help but learn to love her in the long run.”
David frantically shook his head and he began to cry. “No… no,” the younger man uttered.
“I’m sorry,” Cook fought to keep his voice sounding unemotional. “But I have decided to start a new life with Kim.”
“It’s my fault,” David was sobbing almost uncontrollably. “I.. I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t… have walked away.”
“Maybe this was meant to happen, David.”
“N-no,” David’s voice wavered and he struggled to form his next words. “I lu-love you Cook. I always h-have and I always w-will.”
“David,” Cook tried to block out the words that his former lover had uttered. “I can’t go back. Not anymore. I… I don’t love you anymore. I can’t love you the way I used to.”
“P-please Cook,” David was now pleading, his face covered in tears.
Cook shook his head. “It’s too late, David. Kim… she’s pregnant. She’ll be having my baby. And we have talked about settling down. That’s why I agreed to meet with you. She knows how much I loved you and that we never had a proper break up. She only agreed to marry me if I could prove to myself that I’m over you. So I came here for some closure.”
David’s head fell on his arms that rested on the table. His shoulders shook violently as he cried. Cook wanted so much to reach out and caress his back to comfort him. He wanted so much to pull David into his arms. But he had to be strong, to show no emotions. He had to lie and pretend he does not love David anymore even if his heart feels otherwise. Because he knew it was the only way they could both move on with their lives.
The younger man slowly lifted his head and once he slightly regained his steady breathing, he spoke, “I.. I guess I… I have no choice b-but to let you g-go… so y-you ca-can start a life w-with Kim. I… I guess this is g-good-bye.”
“I guess,” Cook felt his chest tighten. It felt like it would explode at any instant. “I have to go.” With that, he stood, taking a ten-dollar bill from his wallet and placing it on the table as payment for their beverages. Once he slipped out of the booth, he paused for a moment. “I… I hope you’ll find someone who will care for you as much as I did. Good… good-bye David.” He was about to walk away, but he felt a hand grab his.
“Please… please Cook. Don’t forget how much I love you. I…I wish we d-didn’t have to say good-bye.” David leaned his cheek against the back of Cook’s palm.
Cook slowly turned toward the younger man and pulled him closer, he bent to rest his forehead against David’s. He sighed heavily and said, “I guess… we’re not meant to be.” Then he left, leaving David in tears.
As soon as Cook slipped inside his car, he laid his forehead on the steering wheel and let the tears that he had struggled to hold inside fall. It hurt to say good-bye to the one he truly loved so he could face his responsibility to the woman who carries his child. It hurt to break the heart of the person that had meant to him more than anything else so David could go on with his life. It was the hardest thing he had ever done.
When David finally calmed down, he took out his cellphone and called the one person he knew he could always count on. “Dad?… I’m in L.A… I just got here yesterday… Dad… I want to go home.” He knew in his heart that the only way he could move on was to go back to where he started.
~ end ~
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
* Originally posted at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
cookleta community.
=========================================================
Comments will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Author: clover71
Pairing: David Cook/ David Archuleta
Rating: PG
Description: I made my own little word prompt not too long ago, which I use to come up with fic ideas, and this is one of them, at least the title is.
Summary: Cook needed to move on with his life after David left. But after eleven months of absence, David returned. Is it too late for David to get Cook back?
Disclaimer:
1) Please note that this is purely fiction and none of the contents are real except for some of the characters used in this story.
2) Most characters used are based on real people but the details within do not purposely imply occurrences in real life; thus, anything here that concurs with real events may be completely coincidental.
3) This fic is created based solely on the imagination of the author and for non-profitable purpose.
Warning: This is somehow full of angst. If you don't like unhappy endings, please don't read. This is just sort of an exercise I took to explore more sides in writing fics.
Author's notes: I never thought I'd end up writing angsty fics. It breaks my heart whenever I read one, so writing one was something I never imagined. But my friend
radcliffe_bass had been talking about a plot for a story about break-ups and she sort of challenged me to write one. So I gave in. I haven't written angst my whole life, at least not that I can remember. So forgive me if this comes across as totally lame because I honestly do not know what I'm doing. Anyway, the discussion my friend and I had all started with the song from 98 degrees called 'The Hardest Thing.' (lyrics here)~ start ~
The smell of fresh coffee beans wafted through the almost empty coffee shop that sat at the corner of a not-so-busy street in Los Angeles. The man in his late twenties had been staring blankly at the cup of café latte on the table, one hand wrapped lightly around the cup and the other successively tapping on the table.
David Cook wondered why David Archuleta suggested meeting at that coffee shop. It holds too many memories that he was not sure he could endure. Nonetheless, he was thirty minutes early. For some reason hidden beneath his subconscious thoughts, he could not wait to see the younger man who he had not seen nor talked to for eleven months. And as he had expected, the place had suddenly brought reminiscences as far as he could grasp.
This was the place where he and David would often rendezvous. They found the place almost three years back during their tour rehearsals for the American Idol summer tour where they both had the best times of their lives. It was a memory worth reliving. That coffee shop was where he professed his feelings for David before the tour started. It was where he and David would meet to escape the pressures during the completion of their first albums. It was where he had asked David to move in with him soon after he turned 18. It was where he had given David the promise ring. And it was where David returned the promise ring and told him that he had decided to reacquaint himself with his church. This was the place where Cook found himself whole and it was the same place where he broke into a million pieces.
Cook checked his watch. Ten minutes more. He thought. David had called him the day before, asking him if they could talk. So he agreed to meet him at the place where they came back often when they started living together. It only made Cook wonder what had happened between them. Their friends, most of whom took quite a long time to accept their relationship, have thought that they were a perfect couple. They were happy. Until their newfound lives nearly pushed them over the edge. And that’s when David sought peace of mind by going on his Mormon mission.
The young man walked into the coffee shop and instantly smiled when he saw Cook. The mere radiance emanated from David’s face pierced spitefully through Cook’s heart as emotions that he thought he had successfully heaved into the hard, cold corners of his heart had inevitably surfaced and he had the urge to get up from his seat and pull the younger man into a hug. However, he also remember that fateful night when David had told him that he had decided to try to follow the path that his society had chosen for him, leaving what they had in the process. And that thought made Cook remain on his seat.
“Hey Cook,” David greeted as he slid into the booth Cook occupied. “Am I late?”
Cook shook his head after taking a swig from his now cold latte. “No. I was just early. Tried to avoid early morning traffic.” He lied. He reminded himself not to show any emotions although he realized from the moment David stepped into his view that he still had feelings for him. He still loves him. But that’s not what he came here for. That’s basically far from the reason why he agreed to meet with him. “Would you like to order something?”
David nodded. And after the waitress had taken their orders and had served David a cup of hot chocolate and Cook a fresh cup of brewed coffee, the young man started his petty talks. He briefly gave Cook an account of his Mormon mission in Honduras and Mexico. After the release of his first album, David had tolerated the limelight that came along with his fame. Although, he had spent the better part of the year after idol contemplating on his purpose in life, he was grateful to have Cook. The older man was his source of strength. He loved him with all his heart. When celebrity life became too much to handle though, David found himself resorting to his church when he spent Christmas in Murray the year after the idol tour. It was then he got the submitted his name to go on a mission. And few months later, he received the call so he decided to place his career on hiatus and looked into what he had originally planned to do before idol.
One of the consequences of this carefully thought out decision was placing his relationship with Cook on hold. He couldn’t chance letting his church know about it because he just wasn’t ready yet to risk excommunication.
“So…” David had finished rambling, “what have been keeping you busy?”
Cook tried hard to avoid his gaze. “David… what is it you wanted to talk about? Why did you ask us to meet here?”
David was silent for a moment. The fact that Cook had been calling him by his first name since he arrived suggested that things had grown awkward between them during his long absence. His voice trembled as he spoke. “Look, Cook. I know we never had a proper break up before I left…” He looked up at the older man who had finally met his eyes. “W-while I was on my mission, I’ve uhm… I’ve learned what the important things ought to be in someone’s life. And I realized that the important thing in my life was… YOU.”
Cook could not believe what he was hearing. The last time he and David spoke face to face, the young man had made him feel that he was not enough to resolve David’s miseries. “David, it’s been eleven months. Do you have any idea what I went through after you packed your bags and left? I spent the better half of it blaming myself for not loving you enough. I cursed and punished myself thinking that I could not bring you enough happiness to make you stay.“
David reached out his hand to touch Cook’s but the older man quickly flinched away. He was hurt by Cook’s reaction but tried to keep a straight face, fighting the tears that threaten to fall. “I’m really, really sorry Cook. I know apologizing would not make up for the lost times…” tears suddenly streamed down David’s cheeks, “but I’m sure now more than ever that my love for you is strong enough to make my life worth living.”
His eyes began to blur and Cook had to bite his lower lip to prevent tears from spilling. “You… you don’t know, don’t you?”
“Know what?”
“Haven’t you been reading magazines or watching entertainment news?”
“Cook, I’ve been on the poor communities in Honduras and Mexico on a mission. I did not have the luxury of magazines and TV,” David explained. And then, his expression turned from hopeful to worry, “why Cook? Is there something I need to know?”
Cook steeled himself, hanging on to the reminder that he could not let his emotions betray him. He had to be tough, had to be strong, for both their sakes. “Like I said David, you were gone for eleven months without so much of a word. I thought you have finally found the peace you sought for. So after months of self-pitying and self-loathing, I uhm…” Cook looked David straight in the eye, “I moved on.”
The younger man stared at him blankly, brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean you moved on?”
Cook cleared his throat and gathered enough courage he needed to break the news. “David… when you left, I was totally devastated. I was broken. I happened to cross paths with Kim one night as I was heading out of the studio. And she stuck around since. She had been a good friend who had been there for me every step of the way while I picked up the broken pieces; and she helped me put myself back together.”
“B-but… sh-she’s just a friend right?” David was slightly trembling; fear swept throughout his body as he dread to hear more of what Cook had to say. “Just like when we were on uhm…on idol tour?”
It was difficult to keep a straight face as Cook could feel the burning sensation of tears behind his eyelids. But he managed. “Listen David… Kim was the one who had been there for me when I felt lost. And so I could not help but learn to love her in the long run.”
David frantically shook his head and he began to cry. “No… no,” the younger man uttered.
“I’m sorry,” Cook fought to keep his voice sounding unemotional. “But I have decided to start a new life with Kim.”
“It’s my fault,” David was sobbing almost uncontrollably. “I.. I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t… have walked away.”
“Maybe this was meant to happen, David.”
“N-no,” David’s voice wavered and he struggled to form his next words. “I lu-love you Cook. I always h-have and I always w-will.”
“David,” Cook tried to block out the words that his former lover had uttered. “I can’t go back. Not anymore. I… I don’t love you anymore. I can’t love you the way I used to.”
“P-please Cook,” David was now pleading, his face covered in tears.
Cook shook his head. “It’s too late, David. Kim… she’s pregnant. She’ll be having my baby. And we have talked about settling down. That’s why I agreed to meet with you. She knows how much I loved you and that we never had a proper break up. She only agreed to marry me if I could prove to myself that I’m over you. So I came here for some closure.”
David’s head fell on his arms that rested on the table. His shoulders shook violently as he cried. Cook wanted so much to reach out and caress his back to comfort him. He wanted so much to pull David into his arms. But he had to be strong, to show no emotions. He had to lie and pretend he does not love David anymore even if his heart feels otherwise. Because he knew it was the only way they could both move on with their lives.
The younger man slowly lifted his head and once he slightly regained his steady breathing, he spoke, “I.. I guess I… I have no choice b-but to let you g-go… so y-you ca-can start a life w-with Kim. I… I guess this is g-good-bye.”
“I guess,” Cook felt his chest tighten. It felt like it would explode at any instant. “I have to go.” With that, he stood, taking a ten-dollar bill from his wallet and placing it on the table as payment for their beverages. Once he slipped out of the booth, he paused for a moment. “I… I hope you’ll find someone who will care for you as much as I did. Good… good-bye David.” He was about to walk away, but he felt a hand grab his.
“Please… please Cook. Don’t forget how much I love you. I…I wish we d-didn’t have to say good-bye.” David leaned his cheek against the back of Cook’s palm.
Cook slowly turned toward the younger man and pulled him closer, he bent to rest his forehead against David’s. He sighed heavily and said, “I guess… we’re not meant to be.” Then he left, leaving David in tears.
As soon as Cook slipped inside his car, he laid his forehead on the steering wheel and let the tears that he had struggled to hold inside fall. It hurt to say good-bye to the one he truly loved so he could face his responsibility to the woman who carries his child. It hurt to break the heart of the person that had meant to him more than anything else so David could go on with his life. It was the hardest thing he had ever done.
When David finally calmed down, he took out his cellphone and called the one person he knew he could always count on. “Dad?… I’m in L.A… I just got here yesterday… Dad… I want to go home.” He knew in his heart that the only way he could move on was to go back to where he started.
~ end ~
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
* Originally posted at
cookleta community.
=========================================================
Comments will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.