AU Fic: Burgundy 3/3
Sep. 2nd, 2012 07:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cloversworldBurgundy 3/3 by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
clover71
written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
au_bigbang2012
Fandom: Avengers (movie verse) | Pairing: Steve Rogers/ Tony Stark
Rating: NC-17 | Warning: Infidelity (in a twisted kind of way?)
All other info: check the MASTER POST
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Guilt clung at Tony's conscience like a leech. The nagging feeling wouldn't leave him alone in peace with his glass of rum and coke. Fuck. He had even settled for rum and coke and his taste buds didn't mind it one bit.
Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind echoed a voice, chanting, Steve, Steve, Steve. Wasn't it just perfectly ironic that his wife – pretty and blonde and just like Tony had always wanted women – was lying there on the bed, lace lingerie riding up her thighs while Tony's body was screaming for a certain blond man with defined muscles and abs that women like Pepper would most definitely drool over.
Shit, shit, shit. Tony downed the last few drops of his drink, giving up on any hopes of getting some descent sleep that night.
Pepper mumbled something, like, "whereyougoing," but Tony ignored her, just grabbed his phone and staggered out of the room.
Once in the comfort of solitude, he typed 'I'm sorry' on his phone and sent the damn message to Steve before he could change his mind.
Ten minutes had passed and he hadn't gotten a response. Ten minutes turned to twenty. Then to half an hour. Tony had little patience when it came to waiting so he sent another message.
'Damn it, Steve. Talk to me. Do I have to drop on my knees and beg?'
The reply came sooner than Tony had expected. His phone lit up, Steve's name flashing on the screen. Steve's response read: 'I'd rather you do something productive when you're on your knees.'
The insinuation made Tony's cock stir, heat spreading across his face. His thumbs flew across the screen. 'Fuck you. Why didn't you answer earlier? I said I'm sorry, okay?'
'Should I forgive you? Maybe so. Meet me at Havana Room tomorrow night. It's a bar a couple of blocks away from your hotel,' was Steve's next message.
Havana Room? Tony tried to recall where he had heard of it, then Oh, yeah, and keyed in the words 'I think I know where that is.' If he didn't, he would just ask around, no worries.
'Good. Be there at nine.'
The thrill that tingled through Tony's body made him feel like a god damn school girl with a crush.
The next day was a blur and Tony didn't pay attention to everyone around him. He spent the entire morning lounging in the hotel's garden and half the day walking around Cannes with Pepper. Most of their relatives, had thankfully flown home, leaving them in peace.
When night time folded in, agitation started clawing at his insides and Tony couldn't sit still longer than a minute.
"What's wrong with you?" Pepper had asked over and over. "You're making me dizzy, you know?" she said, watching Tony pace around the suite.
"Nothing." Tony shook his head, ran his hand through his dark wavy locks. "Nothing. I just… I need to get some air." When Nick and another one of his sentries stood to follow him, Tony held up his hand to stop them. "Alone, if I may. I won't go far. Just around the hotel."
A shadow of reluctance descended on Nick's face. "I'll be fine," Tony assured him and left the room before anyone could utter any protest.
Nick followed him though, as expected. It was almost half past nine by the time Tony was able to shake him off at the hotel's lobby. It was stupid and foolish, he knew, to leave his bodyguard while he took the long trek to the Havana Room.
Tony felt like a creep, peering through the club's window from outside. He could see Steve by the bar, hand curled around a wine glass filled with dark liquid. He wanted to rush inside, fall into Steve's arms and all that romantic shit but he couldn't get his feet to move.
There seemed to be a psychological tug-o'-war going through his head. Half of him wanted to go talk to Steve but half of him wanted to hightail it out of there and forget about this whole tryst with the cruise ship captain.
Logic seemed to have a strong grip on his conscious choice. Tony slunk away from the window and started to saunter down the path where he came from. He was barely ten yards away from the club when a couple of men crept out from the dark alley, their eyes burning with malice, teeth showing through their wide grins.
"Well hello there, pretty boy," one of them – the one with brunette hair – said, the roughness of his voice grating against Tony's skin. "Care to join us for a drink?"
"No, thank you," flowed out of Tony's mouth before he could assess the situation.
"We insist," the other man – shorter and stouter with dirty blond hair and olive skin – said.
"I'm actually here to meet somebody." Tony gestured at the Havana Room with his thumb.
"Really?" The blond one crept into Tony's personal space, making Tony feel utterly uncomfortable. "I was certain you were walking away from that place just a moment ago."
"That isn't any of your business now, is it?" Tony said, lifting his chin up in defiance.
"No. But I do insist you come with us," the blond man said. "Come on. It will be fun."
"I don't think so." Tony took a step back and when the taller, dark-haired man grabbed his arm, he quickly shoved the hand away. And both men lunged at him from both sides.
Tony's fist swung right across the blond man's face and he kicked the other straight on the gut. The blond man retaliated, forced a hard punch against Tony's jaw and Tony stumbled backwards.
The other guy grabbed him from behind. Tony felt a sting on his arm but he ignored it and jabbed his elbow straight to the man's rib.
The blond jerk rammed against Tony's stomach with his shoulder, pushing Tony against the wall. Tony caught sight of Steve walking out of the Havana Room. The noise must have alerted Steve and he rushed to Tony's aid, seizing the man holding Tony against the wall by the neck.
Tony felt the ground tilt, his vision becoming blurry. He felt fingers curling on the lapels of his shirt and he blinked, saw the taller man leering at him with a sly grin and Tony struggled against the man's grasp. But his muscles felt like lead and he found it hard to move. Everything around him was spinning out of focus.
He thought he heard Steve's voice, yelling, "Tony!" but he wasn't sure. Dark mist clouded his vision, his consciousness slowly, gradually slipping away.
Steve pressed the button to end the call. He had just spoken to the authorities to report what had happened to Tony.
The doctor fussed over Tony, checking his vitals then he looked up at Steve, said, "He's fine. The drug will wear off soon. It's nothing too dangerous. Just some mild tranquilizer to put him to sleep."
"Thanks doctor." Steve led him outside, promised to call as soon as Tony woke up, then went back to his bedroom and watched Tony sleep.
He blamed himself for this. It wouldn't have happened if he didn't ask Tony to meet him there. He didn't expect Tony to charge to a public place without a bodyguard. But then again, this was Tony Stark. In the little time Steve had known him, he noticed that Tony did what he wanted and said whatever was in his mind on impulse without thinking of the possible consequences.
Tony stirred, groaning, his eyelids fluttering before they slid open.
"Hey." Steve leaned over, running his fingers through Tony's dark hair. "How are you feeling?"
A soft grunt left Tony's mouth before he spoke, said, "Like I've been hit by a truck," in a voice thick with vestiges of sleep.
Steve laid a hand over Tony's chest, feeling Tony's heartbeat against his palm. "You've been drugged. The doctor said it will wear off soon."
Tony's gaze sprang up to meet Steve's, his forehead wrinkling. "Doctor?"
"Yeah. I had to call a doctor to check on you. Don't worry, he's a friend."
"What happened?" Tony's face was contorted, eyes narrowed.
"You were attacked. I suspect those guys belong to some human trafficking crime group." It was rather ironic – Steve thought – that those crooks attempted to abduct a crime group leader. Though Steve doubted those guys even had a clue who Tony was.
"Seriously?" Tony struggled to sit up. He pressed the heel of his palm against his temple, probably to ease a headache. "What? Were they planning to make some sort of sex slave out of me?"
Steve kept his lips pursed and didn't offer a response.
Tony huffed incredulously. "Fuck me."
"Be glad to," Steve teased, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth. "You're phone had been ringing all night. I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of answering it since I saw it was Pepper calling."
"Shit."
"I told her I ran into you in Cannes and you asked if I could drive you around," Steve said, already feeling the clench of guilt in his chest for lying to the woman. "Also told her you didn't feel like going back to the hotel so I took you home. I couldn't come up with a better excuse and I figured it would cause a lot of trouble if I told her you nearly got kidnapped."
"No doubt it would have."
Steve's hand rested on Tony's kneecap, thumb stroking the thick fabric of the sweatpants that he slipped into Tony after he stripped Tony's pants and sweater off the night before. "So. How does breakfast sound?"
Tony raised his arms over his head and stretched languidly. "Sounds like heaven."
A blanket of silence draped over them while they ate in the kitchen. It was only after they both had emptied their plates when Tony spoke, said, "We're uh… we're leaving tomorrow," with his cup of fresh brewed coffee hovering a few inches from his mouth.
"I see." Steve did his best to remain stoic despite the burning ache in his chest. Everything that happened after was a blur. Steve wanted to take Tony to bed, fuck him until Tony could no longer stand. But Pepper had called to ask for directions, which could only mean she, along with most likely a handful of bodyguards, were coming over to pick up Tony.
"Do you…" Tony's eyes darted around the room, not resting on Steve's even as he said, "Do you ever go home to the States?"
Steve wasn't sure where this conversation was going so his response was something mechanical, perhaps even flat-sounding or casual. "I haven't gone back there since I moved here."
Tony's lips parted but then he clamped it closed, shoulders slumping. "Oh well. I guess… I guess it's been nice knowing you." He sprang up from his seat so abruptly that the table shook. "I guess I better get ready. Pepper will be here soon. Do you mind if I use the shower?"
"No, course not." Steve watched Tony disappear around the corner leading to the stairs then let the air he'd been holding in his lungs out in an long, frustrated sigh.
"You like dat one, don you?"
Steve almost jumped startled, head snapping up to find his middle-aged housekeeper gliding into the kitchen, a gentle smile on her lips. "I thought you've left to visit your family."
"Well, I 'ave t'ings ta do, b'fore I leave," she said, words, though in English, were laced with her usual French accent. "An you 'ave a guest. T'ought you might need me around."
Steve can't help but smile at her motherly treatment. "That's very thoughtful of you, Ynez. But you didn't have to stick around. I can handle things around here."
Ynez a short, amused-sounding laugh. "Of course you can." She started to clear out the table, stealing a glance at Steve once in a while. "You 'aven answered my question. You like dat man wit' you, yeah?"
"He's just…" Steve started but then his mind struggled for the right word. Tony is what? A Friend? Acquaintance? No one special, just someone I met on the ship? He was just about to open his mouth despite not really knowing what to say but the shrill music blasting from his phone provided the interruption he needed.
Ynez must have taken it as her cue to leave and Steve took the opportunity to escape from the awkward conversation so he quickly made his way up the stairs before pressing the phone to his ear.
It was from the cruise line office.
Tony had just gotten off the phone with Pepper. She was half an hour away from Steve's place. Steve's voice floated from the other side of the door, saying, "I understand. I'll head back to the ship tomorrow," and was pulling the phone from his ear when he slinked into the room. "Oh, hey. Done with the shower?"
It took a moment before Tony could react. He shook his head, said, "No. Got a little sidetracked. Pepper called to let me know they're almost here."
"I see." There was a momentary flicker of sadness on Steve's eyes, and Tony watched him hesitate, as if he wanted to cough out words that refused to stumble out of his mouth. "Tony, I—"
"I better get ready." Tony reached the door in four quick strides. But he stopped at the threshold when Steve spoke.
"Wait, Tony. We have to talk."
Tony felt his heart slam against the wall of his chest. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to take this Steve-related thing in stride, maybe consider it an occasional fond memory, or the best thing (at least in his opinion) was to forget about it and just live his life as planned. "Talk? About what Steve?"
The conflict that rolled over Steve's façade was so palpable that Tony could only guess the same thoughts were probably racing through Steve's mind. "About us. About this," he said, waving his arm between Tony and himself. "About—"
This was it. "No, Steve." Tony had to put an end to this. He was married, albeit not in his free will, but the point is his life had been laid down for him and he should just deal with it. Steve would only be a colossal complication. "We don't have anything to talk about."
A mixture of emotions flashed on Steve's face – hurt, sadness, regret – and Tony felt a tight squeeze in his chest. Then Steve looked away, a mask of nonchalance surfacing on his features. "I see."
"Look. I appreciate everything you've done, your help, your…" Tony's shoulders drooped as he released a long breath filled with desperation. "I'm married, Steve. There's nothing between us. We can't—shouldn't have started anything at all." It felt like the whole world was on Tony's shoulder when he slipped out of the room.
He spent more time in the shower than he should have, letting the water wash all this uncomfortable feelings that were clawing at every fiber of his being. He hadn't felt anything like this before, hadn't wanted something so much but there was this great obstacle that kept him from getting it.
Steve wasn't in the bedroom when Tony returned. The clothes he was wearing the night before – all clean and pressed – were waiting for him on the bed. The commotion downstairs reached his ears and Tony quickly got dressed.
Before he got out of the room, a thought hit him like lightning. He rummaged through Steve's desk and found a pad of paper and a pen. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, not sure what he expected out of it but his hand moved on its own accord and started scribbling down his address in New York.
Pepper and her sentries, as well as Tony's, were at the parlor talking to Steve. "Oh there you are, darling!" she said when Tony ambled into the room as quietly as he could. He caught sight of Nick standing in the corner, eyebrows tight and a furious look framing his face.
"We were so worried about you. You shouldn't have wandered out into the streets alone. It was a good thing you ran into Steve here…" Pepper's words diffused into nothing but senseless babbles in Tony's ear. He zeroed in on Steve, trying to break through the wall of impassive demeanor.
Steve wouldn't meet his eyes, too keen on looking out the window instead. "You should head back," Steve said, voice void of any emotions. "It's a long drive."
Tony did his best not to look back as he was driven away from Steve's villa, thinking that that was the last time he'd see the man who had awoken something inside him, something he never knew existed.
It had been three weeks now, three weeks since Tony Stark left France. Steve's eyes slid down to the piece of paper trapped between his thumb and index finger. He presumed the address written on it was Tony's since Tony was the only one other than him who had been in his room the day he found it on his desk, the day Tony left.
"You still hanging on to that?" Clint's voice broke through Steve's deep musing. The Chief Officer gave a courtesy nod to the handful of crew members lingering in the ship's bridge before reaching Steve. "Instead of brooding over that thing, why not do something about it?"
Steve raised his gaze to meet Clint's. "You mean go to New York?"
Clint shrugged, said, "Why not? Worth a shot and a lot better than sitting around like you're carrying the whole world on your shoulder," and cast Steve with a pitiful gaze that made Steve want to sink in his seat.
"Do I really look that depressed?"
One of Clint's eyebrows rose. "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?"
The feeling of utter defeat washed over Steve. He sighed, shoulders sagging. "I thought I'd forget, thought I could just move on, you know. But…." His eyes traveled to the vast expanse of blue water that stretched ahead.
"But you couldn't," Clint supplied, his tone taking on a serious note. "Don't fight it, buddy. It will only make things more difficult as it is."
"It's pointless, Clint. He did say there was nothing between us."
Clint made a derisive sound. "What did you expect? You knew him for a few days."
"I know." How naïve could he had been for thinking that the strong hold Tony had in him could grow into something meaningful? Steve had never felt so pathetic in his life. "I just… It may sound stupid but I couldn't, can't let go."
"Then do yourself a favor, Cap. Stop moping around and go to him. File a vacation, request to be transferred to the cruise that voyages across the Atlantic, or whatever. He wouldn't have left his address with you if he wasn't hoping for the same thing." Clint's words haunted Steve for another week. And another. And weeks turned into months.
But Steve did nothing. The paper that held Tony's address stayed in his shirt pocket then later on migrated to the desk drawer in his cabin.
Fate seemed to have taken over. Exactly three months and two weeks after Tony left, Steve had been transferred to a transatlantic cruise.
The pub he frequented was unusually full that evening. Unusual because it was Wednesday and the place was a hole-in-the-wall type near the harbor. Tony headed straight to the bar, shadowed by Nick and two other sentries who were all trying to be discreet. He beckoned the bartender over, said, "Hey Reed. Never thought I'd live a day to see this place packed," while sliding on the stool by the counter.
Reed barked a laugh and shook his head. "You're such a charmer, Mr. Stark. But yeah, it gets busy whenever a passenger ship docks and I heard there's a cruise ship from Europe that arrived two hours ago."
"A cruise ship?" From Europe? A surge of thrill shoots up Tony's back but he was quick to dismiss the unnecessary excitement. It couldn't be possible. Couldn't. And yet, Tony had this gut feeling that made him want to throw up.
"What would you have this evening? The usual?" Reed asked, distracting Tony from the suddenly unsettling notion that invaded his mind.
"Yes. Make it double." An idea hit him like a ton of brick and Tony raised his hand, said, "No, wait," and wondered why the heck he had this craving for something else. "Do you have any Burgundy Wine? Uh… Pinot Noir."
Reed seemed to regard Tony as if he'd grown another head. "Of course."
Tony resisted the urge to let his eyes wander, so instead, he watched Reed pour dark purple liquid into a flute and waited for the bartender to hand him his drink. "Here you go, Mr. Stark, enjoy."
The glass is almost half empty when Tony caught a figure glide inside the pub through the corner of his eye, prompting him to turn his head. His breath got caught in his throat when he saw who it was.
Steve? It couldn't be. Not after all these months.
The blond man spotted Tony and his lips curled up into a warm smile. In slow, sensual strides, he approached the bar, eyes never leaving Tony's face.
Tony's heart made a sudden leap and not a single muscle in his body could move.
"Hey," Steve said in a silky voice. "Pepper said I might find you here."
"Pepper?" was all Tony could utter. He still couldn't believe that Steve was there, right in front of him, in living flesh and bone and—
"Yeah. I went over to your place. She said you normally come here after a meeting."
"Oh." Tony had to pinch himself mentally, just to make sure he wasn't imagining things. "W-what are you doing here?"
"I'm captain of a transatlantic cruise ship called Black Widow now. We're currently docked at the nearby pier." Steve's eyes glimmering, soft gaze felt like a caress. "It's good to see you again, Tony," he said in a soft, mellow voice that melted Tony's resolve.
All those months he fought to get Steve out of his mind, out of his system, despite knowing it was a futile struggle. And now Steve was here. Tony doubted he could ever resist the man. It's one battle he was certain he'd never win.
"It's good to see you too, Steve." And that was all it took – for Tony to stomp down the denial that he's into Steve and the walls around him crumble down. "Can I buy you a drink?"
Steve eyed Tony's glass, one corner of his lips curling. "I'll have what you're having."
"So…" Tony took a sip of his wine, the tiny flame inside him igniting. "How long are you going to be here?"
Judging from the way Steve's eyes darkened, he must've picked up on Tony's innuendo. "Long enough to be reacquainted."
Tony's lips quirked, body singing with arousal. "You wanna get out of here after you've finished your drink then?" He had to find a way to get his sentries to leave him alone with Steve.
Steve gave a half shrug. "Sure."
It had been too long, too long and Steve had no idea how he'd survived without this, without Tony. For four long months, he'd succumbed to the emptiness growing inside him. This was what he had yearned for, what he had wanted – to touch Tony, to taste Tony again.
The feel of Tony's warm flesh against his palm sent a fervent need surging through his veins. His lips mapped every inch of Tony's skin; his tongue traced every curve and every dip of Tony's body. He had three digits inside Tony now, preparing him, seeking for that soft spot that often made Tony tremble.
The need, the maddening ache to claim Tony, even for just one night, was so strong that it was overpowering him, blinding him and Steve feared he'd lose control.
Sitting up on his haunches, Steve tore the package of condom with his teeth and rolled the latex material over his erection. He grabbed the bottle of lube, coated his cock with the clear gel and finally pushed into Tony, gritting his teeth in hopes of not coming too soon. He was almost at the edge.
"Oh god." Tony's fingers curled around Steve's arms, nails digging into the surface of Steve's skin. A litany of curses tumbled out of Tony's mouth and he's hissing, saying, "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," when Steve ground his hips.
"You like that, huh?" Steve said with a growl against Tony's ear. He sucked in a breath when he felt Tony's muscles tighten around his cock, driving Steve closer to his orgasm. He lifted himself up on his knees, pushed Tony's thighs higher so he can slam his cock inside Tony harder. Faster. Deeper.
"I'm close." Tony's hips moved in synch with Steve's, the wet sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the room.
"Me too." As soon as the words left Steve's mouth, the pressure building up in his groin ripped throughout his body, sucking him into a vacuum with nothing but white noise filling his ears. His mouth parted in a silent scream, eyes shut tightly while he rode through his climax.
It seemed to take a lifetime before Steve started climbing down from his euphoria and when he lifted his eyelids open, he saw Tony's hand curled around his own erection, moving in lightning speed and it didn't take long before he felt Tony clamp against his softening cock. Thick white fluid spurted from the tip of Tony's dick and landed on the plane of Tony's abdomen.
The elated feeling didn't leave Steve right away, his chest swollen with emotions he thought no longer existed. He claimed Tony's mouth with his, plunging his tongue in the warm cavern, relishing the taste of sweat and satiation and just Tony. Steve lifted his face to come up for air, his breathing erratic. "That was…."
"Yeah." A goofy smile split across Tony's face. "Yeah."
With the numbness creeping up his legs and arms, Steve collapsed beside Tony, planting a kiss on Tony's shoulder before lying flat on his back, arm tucked behind his head. "However did you convince your bodyguards to leave you with me?"
Tony sniggered. "I told them if they want to watch me have sex with another man, then they are free to stay."
It wasn't Tony's response but more of how casual Tony said it that bowled Steve over and he snapped his head to look at Tony. "You said that? You're not worried about Pepper finding out?"
"Not really. They're my sentries. They're loyal to me and only me. They will keep a secret if I ask them too and only when it's a matter of a life-and-death situation can they reveal it to another person."
A soft whistle went past Steve's lips. "That's deep. And complicated."
"Who says my life isn't full of complications?"
They lay side by side, soundless seconds spiraling into a minute, minutes stretching into an hour with nothing but their rhythmic breathing to fill the void.
It was Steve who stirred first, breaking the proverbial ice, his fingers tangling with Tony's. "I'll be here for three days," he said. "Then we sail to Florida, but I'll be back here a week after. Do you think…?" This was a gamble, he knew. If he were to jump into the same cycle, it could not end well. But if this was all he could have of Tony – with this pathetic affair – then so be it. He'd take anything. "While I'm around, I was hoping we could meet here everyday."
"Same room, same time?" There wasn't a sign of hesitation on Tony's part, far from what Steve had expected.
Steve all thought Tony would reject him, just like he did the last time they met. "If it's possible."
Tony shifted to lie on his side, facing Steve. He laid his palm on Steve's chest, just above his heart. "I'd like that."
So they met again the next night. And the next. From then on, whenever Steve returned to New York every three or four weeks, he and Tony would meet at the same hotel and Tony did all he could to get the same room.
It had been five months since Steve wormed his way back into Tony's life. Five months of secret rendezvous. Five months of mind-blowing sex. Five months of wondering where this thing they had would go.
This thing. This thing. Their tryst seemed to have taken control of Tony that he craved for it, his body ached for it as if sex with Steve was a life force that he needed to survive. What Tony feared the most though was how strongly he felt about Steve, like… like Steve was the only one who kept him sane all these months.
Taking over the leadership of a clan hadn't been easy. His life was in constant danger not only from his enemies but from within the organization as well. It wasn't something Tony had wanted, not something he asked for. Blood money certainly wasn't what he desired. But his fate was sealed into this kind of life, like a game he couldn't quit.
Day after day, week after week, Tony had to face the ugly scenarios that his life as a Jarvis head had to offer. Maybe he should just give up the seat to Bruce then. After all, the Banner clan was equal candidate for the title.
"Guess what?" Steve's voice yanked Tony out of his deep contemplation. "I uh… I've been thinking of moving back here, in the States. But not in New York." Steve slipped his arm underneath Tony's head and pulled Tony close, urging Tony to rest his head on Steve's shoulder. "I actually asked my friend Natasha to find me a place down at Santa Catalina. And she found one for me. I was thinking… Well, I'm planning to buy a small ship there, or maybe a yacht, and I can rent it out or…"
The rest of Steve's words sounded warped in Tony's ears and the only thought Tony could process was Why is Steve telling me this? Cold panic suddenly rushed through his veins. His attention sprang back to Steve when he felt the quick jerk of Steve's shoulder, followed by Steve's voice. "What do you think?"
"About what?" Tony tilted his head up and instantly realized it was a big mistake. He locked gazes with Steve and saw the clear reflection of hope on the surface of Steve's eyes turn into worry.
"About… about moving with me." There was a hint of uncertainty, maybe even uneasiness, in Steve's voice.
"To Santa Catalina?" The alarm in Tony's head went off. What Steve was asking wasn't the least bit feasible. What is Steve thinking? He's got to be out of his mind. When Steve nodded, Tony bolted upright and cast Steve an incredulous glare. "Do I have to remind you I'm married—?"
"To a woman you don't even love," Steve finished for him, though it wasn't exactly what Tony was about to say, but it did hit the mark.
"I can't just turn my back on my responsibilities to my clan, to the organization, to—"
"Everything else that was forced into your hands out of your own will."
"Steve."
"I just need a single answer, Tony. Yes or no." Steve looked away, apparently finding something interesting on the ceiling that he resisted to meet Tony's gaze.
"I…" Tony felt as if his soul was being ripped in ten million pieces. This brought a strange sense of déjà vu and Tony remembered the time he'd told Steve there was nothing between them. Yet destiny had stepped in and their paths crossed once more. It was like a cycle. He was back on that phase where Tony had to make a choice, unlike the business-related decisions he had to make everyday, this one was choosing between a life that was designed for him the moment he was born and a life that his heart desired.
"You don't have to decide now, Tony. You can think about it." Steve voice was so low that if it weren't too quiet in the hotel room, Tony probably would not have heard the words spoken.
Since that night, Tony was troubled by the unexpected proposal and when Steve returned three weeks later, Steve had announced that his plans were final. He already bought the house at Sta. Catalina and using his family fortune, purchased a small cruise ship that he intended to use for business.
"I will hand the Black Widow over to the new captain next week," Steve said over his glass of Burgundy wine. Reed's bar was only half full that night and Steve's voice seemed amplified in the stillness. "Then I leave for Santa Catalina on the eighteenth."
All Tony could do was grunt in response. He tried to hide whatever expression drawn on his face behind his glass of scotch.
"Have you thought about what I told you?" Steve said after a while. In truth, Tony had a stronger urge to accept Steve's offer, but there were a million things that was stopping him. He had never felt so indecisive, so lost in a sea of options. Steve must have taken Tony's silence as a sign of hesitation. "You don't have to give me an answer, Tony. I just… I bought you a plane ticket just in case." An envelope was placed before Tony. "You can either go to the airport on the eighteenth at six-forty in the evening and if you don’t show up, then I'd know what you're decision is."
There was one thing Tony had to know though. "If I don't show up, will I ever see you again?"
It must have taken a good stretch of a minute before Steve spoke again. "I'm going to Santa Catalina to start a new life," was the only response he offered. He didn't have to say anything more. Tony knew that meant there was a greater possibility that Steve would not be coming back. Ever.
When Tony got home a few hours later, sleep wouldn't come so he thought trying to get some work done in his study might help ease his mind. He hadn't realized that dawn was creeping in until a faint glow of orange peeked through the blinds. Pepper slipped into his study and placed a mug of steaming coffee on his desk. "Have you been working all night?" she asked without a tinge of implication in her pitch that Tony usually interpreted as accusation.
"Yeah." Tony pressed the pad of his thumb and middle finger against his closed eyelids trying to rid of the strain.
Only when Pepper said, "Working? Or thinking of someone?" did Tony pull his hand away and gawked at his wife. "It's Steve, isn't it?"
The room seemed to tilt and then it started spinning. Tony tried to decipher the look Pepper wore but he couldn't. "What?"
"I know about you and Steve, Tony." She raised her hand when Tony was about to speak. "And no one told me, I just… I figured it out on my own. You were always out whenever Steve was in town. You never wanted to sleep with me, can't even gape at me when I'm naked. I thought it was me, that I wasn't attractive but…" A sad smile graced her lips. "I realized, with Steve in the picture, that you aren't really interested in women in general. It was a shock at first, but hey, this is reality and things like this happen."
Regardless of how much sugar-coating she used, Tony could tell that Pepper simply meant that she had known Tony was gay all along. "Pepper, this thing with Steve, it's… it's complicated."
"It doesn't have to be." Pepper settled on the cushioned chair in front of Tony's desk. "I know you married me because you felt you had no choice. And you led our clans' organization because you inherited the responsibility." She tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear. "What I'm trying to say is, if you find something you really want to do in your life, something of your own choice, I won't get in your way. And the organization has a lenient rule that if in case the chosen head is unable to fulfill his duty, someone else can take his place."
"You think I don't know that? My father refused to hear reason back then." Out of desperation, Tony even considered running away. But he knew that if he left without a word, his father would surely send someone to hunt him down and kill him.
Pepper stretched her arm over Tony's desk, placed her hand over Tony's. "Let me try to talk to him," she said, giving Tony a reassuring squeeze.
Tony had no energy left to argue so he just gave a terse nod. "Thanks Pepper."
The last-call-for-boarding announcement blasted over the airport speakers. Steve glanced at his watch. It was twenty minutes before departure time. He paced a few feet from the gate, thinking he'd give it another five minutes.
When the ground stewardess approached him, said, "Sir, I'm afraid I have to ask you to board now. We're about to close the door."
Steve scanned the vicinity, as far as his eyes could reach, but there was no sign of Tony. This is it, he thought. His heart felt heavy with the realization that this could be the end of their whirlwind affair. He handed his ticket to the ground stewardess, and was about to cross the threshold when he heard someone call out to him.
Tony was standing there – a luggage sitting by his feet and a large bag slung on his shoulder, chest rising and falling as if he was trying to catch his breath. "You're not leaving without me, are you?"
Steve suppressed a smile, just stared at Tony indifferently and said, "You're late."
Tony strode over to the gate, pulling his luggage behind him, and handed the ticket over to the woman. "I had a long talk with my father before I left." A small smile slid on his lips. "Besides, it's better late than never right?"
Steve felt his heart was about to burst and he couldn't move, just searched Tony's face for any sign of mockery but Steve didn't find any. What he saw was unwavering sincerity. It was only until the ground stewardess said, "Sirs, we really have to close the door now," that Steve resumed walking, making his way to the plane with Tony right beside him.
THE END
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clover71written for
au_bigbang2012Fandom: Avengers (movie verse) | Pairing: Steve Rogers/ Tony Stark
Rating: NC-17 | Warning: Infidelity (in a twisted kind of way?)
All other info: check the MASTER POST
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3
Guilt clung at Tony's conscience like a leech. The nagging feeling wouldn't leave him alone in peace with his glass of rum and coke. Fuck. He had even settled for rum and coke and his taste buds didn't mind it one bit.
Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind echoed a voice, chanting, Steve, Steve, Steve. Wasn't it just perfectly ironic that his wife – pretty and blonde and just like Tony had always wanted women – was lying there on the bed, lace lingerie riding up her thighs while Tony's body was screaming for a certain blond man with defined muscles and abs that women like Pepper would most definitely drool over.
Shit, shit, shit. Tony downed the last few drops of his drink, giving up on any hopes of getting some descent sleep that night.
Pepper mumbled something, like, "whereyougoing," but Tony ignored her, just grabbed his phone and staggered out of the room.
Once in the comfort of solitude, he typed 'I'm sorry' on his phone and sent the damn message to Steve before he could change his mind.
Ten minutes had passed and he hadn't gotten a response. Ten minutes turned to twenty. Then to half an hour. Tony had little patience when it came to waiting so he sent another message.
'Damn it, Steve. Talk to me. Do I have to drop on my knees and beg?'
The reply came sooner than Tony had expected. His phone lit up, Steve's name flashing on the screen. Steve's response read: 'I'd rather you do something productive when you're on your knees.'
The insinuation made Tony's cock stir, heat spreading across his face. His thumbs flew across the screen. 'Fuck you. Why didn't you answer earlier? I said I'm sorry, okay?'
'Should I forgive you? Maybe so. Meet me at Havana Room tomorrow night. It's a bar a couple of blocks away from your hotel,' was Steve's next message.
Havana Room? Tony tried to recall where he had heard of it, then Oh, yeah, and keyed in the words 'I think I know where that is.' If he didn't, he would just ask around, no worries.
'Good. Be there at nine.'
The thrill that tingled through Tony's body made him feel like a god damn school girl with a crush.
The next day was a blur and Tony didn't pay attention to everyone around him. He spent the entire morning lounging in the hotel's garden and half the day walking around Cannes with Pepper. Most of their relatives, had thankfully flown home, leaving them in peace.
When night time folded in, agitation started clawing at his insides and Tony couldn't sit still longer than a minute.
"What's wrong with you?" Pepper had asked over and over. "You're making me dizzy, you know?" she said, watching Tony pace around the suite.
"Nothing." Tony shook his head, ran his hand through his dark wavy locks. "Nothing. I just… I need to get some air." When Nick and another one of his sentries stood to follow him, Tony held up his hand to stop them. "Alone, if I may. I won't go far. Just around the hotel."
A shadow of reluctance descended on Nick's face. "I'll be fine," Tony assured him and left the room before anyone could utter any protest.
Nick followed him though, as expected. It was almost half past nine by the time Tony was able to shake him off at the hotel's lobby. It was stupid and foolish, he knew, to leave his bodyguard while he took the long trek to the Havana Room.
Tony felt like a creep, peering through the club's window from outside. He could see Steve by the bar, hand curled around a wine glass filled with dark liquid. He wanted to rush inside, fall into Steve's arms and all that romantic shit but he couldn't get his feet to move.
There seemed to be a psychological tug-o'-war going through his head. Half of him wanted to go talk to Steve but half of him wanted to hightail it out of there and forget about this whole tryst with the cruise ship captain.
Logic seemed to have a strong grip on his conscious choice. Tony slunk away from the window and started to saunter down the path where he came from. He was barely ten yards away from the club when a couple of men crept out from the dark alley, their eyes burning with malice, teeth showing through their wide grins.
"Well hello there, pretty boy," one of them – the one with brunette hair – said, the roughness of his voice grating against Tony's skin. "Care to join us for a drink?"
"No, thank you," flowed out of Tony's mouth before he could assess the situation.
"We insist," the other man – shorter and stouter with dirty blond hair and olive skin – said.
"I'm actually here to meet somebody." Tony gestured at the Havana Room with his thumb.
"Really?" The blond one crept into Tony's personal space, making Tony feel utterly uncomfortable. "I was certain you were walking away from that place just a moment ago."
"That isn't any of your business now, is it?" Tony said, lifting his chin up in defiance.
"No. But I do insist you come with us," the blond man said. "Come on. It will be fun."
"I don't think so." Tony took a step back and when the taller, dark-haired man grabbed his arm, he quickly shoved the hand away. And both men lunged at him from both sides.
Tony's fist swung right across the blond man's face and he kicked the other straight on the gut. The blond man retaliated, forced a hard punch against Tony's jaw and Tony stumbled backwards.
The other guy grabbed him from behind. Tony felt a sting on his arm but he ignored it and jabbed his elbow straight to the man's rib.
The blond jerk rammed against Tony's stomach with his shoulder, pushing Tony against the wall. Tony caught sight of Steve walking out of the Havana Room. The noise must have alerted Steve and he rushed to Tony's aid, seizing the man holding Tony against the wall by the neck.
Tony felt the ground tilt, his vision becoming blurry. He felt fingers curling on the lapels of his shirt and he blinked, saw the taller man leering at him with a sly grin and Tony struggled against the man's grasp. But his muscles felt like lead and he found it hard to move. Everything around him was spinning out of focus.
He thought he heard Steve's voice, yelling, "Tony!" but he wasn't sure. Dark mist clouded his vision, his consciousness slowly, gradually slipping away.
Steve pressed the button to end the call. He had just spoken to the authorities to report what had happened to Tony.
The doctor fussed over Tony, checking his vitals then he looked up at Steve, said, "He's fine. The drug will wear off soon. It's nothing too dangerous. Just some mild tranquilizer to put him to sleep."
"Thanks doctor." Steve led him outside, promised to call as soon as Tony woke up, then went back to his bedroom and watched Tony sleep.
He blamed himself for this. It wouldn't have happened if he didn't ask Tony to meet him there. He didn't expect Tony to charge to a public place without a bodyguard. But then again, this was Tony Stark. In the little time Steve had known him, he noticed that Tony did what he wanted and said whatever was in his mind on impulse without thinking of the possible consequences.
Tony stirred, groaning, his eyelids fluttering before they slid open.
"Hey." Steve leaned over, running his fingers through Tony's dark hair. "How are you feeling?"
A soft grunt left Tony's mouth before he spoke, said, "Like I've been hit by a truck," in a voice thick with vestiges of sleep.
Steve laid a hand over Tony's chest, feeling Tony's heartbeat against his palm. "You've been drugged. The doctor said it will wear off soon."
Tony's gaze sprang up to meet Steve's, his forehead wrinkling. "Doctor?"
"Yeah. I had to call a doctor to check on you. Don't worry, he's a friend."
"What happened?" Tony's face was contorted, eyes narrowed.
"You were attacked. I suspect those guys belong to some human trafficking crime group." It was rather ironic – Steve thought – that those crooks attempted to abduct a crime group leader. Though Steve doubted those guys even had a clue who Tony was.
"Seriously?" Tony struggled to sit up. He pressed the heel of his palm against his temple, probably to ease a headache. "What? Were they planning to make some sort of sex slave out of me?"
Steve kept his lips pursed and didn't offer a response.
Tony huffed incredulously. "Fuck me."
"Be glad to," Steve teased, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth. "You're phone had been ringing all night. I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of answering it since I saw it was Pepper calling."
"Shit."
"I told her I ran into you in Cannes and you asked if I could drive you around," Steve said, already feeling the clench of guilt in his chest for lying to the woman. "Also told her you didn't feel like going back to the hotel so I took you home. I couldn't come up with a better excuse and I figured it would cause a lot of trouble if I told her you nearly got kidnapped."
"No doubt it would have."
Steve's hand rested on Tony's kneecap, thumb stroking the thick fabric of the sweatpants that he slipped into Tony after he stripped Tony's pants and sweater off the night before. "So. How does breakfast sound?"
Tony raised his arms over his head and stretched languidly. "Sounds like heaven."
A blanket of silence draped over them while they ate in the kitchen. It was only after they both had emptied their plates when Tony spoke, said, "We're uh… we're leaving tomorrow," with his cup of fresh brewed coffee hovering a few inches from his mouth.
"I see." Steve did his best to remain stoic despite the burning ache in his chest. Everything that happened after was a blur. Steve wanted to take Tony to bed, fuck him until Tony could no longer stand. But Pepper had called to ask for directions, which could only mean she, along with most likely a handful of bodyguards, were coming over to pick up Tony.
"Do you…" Tony's eyes darted around the room, not resting on Steve's even as he said, "Do you ever go home to the States?"
Steve wasn't sure where this conversation was going so his response was something mechanical, perhaps even flat-sounding or casual. "I haven't gone back there since I moved here."
Tony's lips parted but then he clamped it closed, shoulders slumping. "Oh well. I guess… I guess it's been nice knowing you." He sprang up from his seat so abruptly that the table shook. "I guess I better get ready. Pepper will be here soon. Do you mind if I use the shower?"
"No, course not." Steve watched Tony disappear around the corner leading to the stairs then let the air he'd been holding in his lungs out in an long, frustrated sigh.
"You like dat one, don you?"
Steve almost jumped startled, head snapping up to find his middle-aged housekeeper gliding into the kitchen, a gentle smile on her lips. "I thought you've left to visit your family."
"Well, I 'ave t'ings ta do, b'fore I leave," she said, words, though in English, were laced with her usual French accent. "An you 'ave a guest. T'ought you might need me around."
Steve can't help but smile at her motherly treatment. "That's very thoughtful of you, Ynez. But you didn't have to stick around. I can handle things around here."
Ynez a short, amused-sounding laugh. "Of course you can." She started to clear out the table, stealing a glance at Steve once in a while. "You 'aven answered my question. You like dat man wit' you, yeah?"
"He's just…" Steve started but then his mind struggled for the right word. Tony is what? A Friend? Acquaintance? No one special, just someone I met on the ship? He was just about to open his mouth despite not really knowing what to say but the shrill music blasting from his phone provided the interruption he needed.
Ynez must have taken it as her cue to leave and Steve took the opportunity to escape from the awkward conversation so he quickly made his way up the stairs before pressing the phone to his ear.
It was from the cruise line office.
Tony had just gotten off the phone with Pepper. She was half an hour away from Steve's place. Steve's voice floated from the other side of the door, saying, "I understand. I'll head back to the ship tomorrow," and was pulling the phone from his ear when he slinked into the room. "Oh, hey. Done with the shower?"
It took a moment before Tony could react. He shook his head, said, "No. Got a little sidetracked. Pepper called to let me know they're almost here."
"I see." There was a momentary flicker of sadness on Steve's eyes, and Tony watched him hesitate, as if he wanted to cough out words that refused to stumble out of his mouth. "Tony, I—"
"I better get ready." Tony reached the door in four quick strides. But he stopped at the threshold when Steve spoke.
"Wait, Tony. We have to talk."
Tony felt his heart slam against the wall of his chest. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to take this Steve-related thing in stride, maybe consider it an occasional fond memory, or the best thing (at least in his opinion) was to forget about it and just live his life as planned. "Talk? About what Steve?"
The conflict that rolled over Steve's façade was so palpable that Tony could only guess the same thoughts were probably racing through Steve's mind. "About us. About this," he said, waving his arm between Tony and himself. "About—"
This was it. "No, Steve." Tony had to put an end to this. He was married, albeit not in his free will, but the point is his life had been laid down for him and he should just deal with it. Steve would only be a colossal complication. "We don't have anything to talk about."
A mixture of emotions flashed on Steve's face – hurt, sadness, regret – and Tony felt a tight squeeze in his chest. Then Steve looked away, a mask of nonchalance surfacing on his features. "I see."
"Look. I appreciate everything you've done, your help, your…" Tony's shoulders drooped as he released a long breath filled with desperation. "I'm married, Steve. There's nothing between us. We can't—shouldn't have started anything at all." It felt like the whole world was on Tony's shoulder when he slipped out of the room.
He spent more time in the shower than he should have, letting the water wash all this uncomfortable feelings that were clawing at every fiber of his being. He hadn't felt anything like this before, hadn't wanted something so much but there was this great obstacle that kept him from getting it.
Steve wasn't in the bedroom when Tony returned. The clothes he was wearing the night before – all clean and pressed – were waiting for him on the bed. The commotion downstairs reached his ears and Tony quickly got dressed.
Before he got out of the room, a thought hit him like lightning. He rummaged through Steve's desk and found a pad of paper and a pen. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, not sure what he expected out of it but his hand moved on its own accord and started scribbling down his address in New York.
Pepper and her sentries, as well as Tony's, were at the parlor talking to Steve. "Oh there you are, darling!" she said when Tony ambled into the room as quietly as he could. He caught sight of Nick standing in the corner, eyebrows tight and a furious look framing his face.
"We were so worried about you. You shouldn't have wandered out into the streets alone. It was a good thing you ran into Steve here…" Pepper's words diffused into nothing but senseless babbles in Tony's ear. He zeroed in on Steve, trying to break through the wall of impassive demeanor.
Steve wouldn't meet his eyes, too keen on looking out the window instead. "You should head back," Steve said, voice void of any emotions. "It's a long drive."
Tony did his best not to look back as he was driven away from Steve's villa, thinking that that was the last time he'd see the man who had awoken something inside him, something he never knew existed.
It had been three weeks now, three weeks since Tony Stark left France. Steve's eyes slid down to the piece of paper trapped between his thumb and index finger. He presumed the address written on it was Tony's since Tony was the only one other than him who had been in his room the day he found it on his desk, the day Tony left.
"You still hanging on to that?" Clint's voice broke through Steve's deep musing. The Chief Officer gave a courtesy nod to the handful of crew members lingering in the ship's bridge before reaching Steve. "Instead of brooding over that thing, why not do something about it?"
Steve raised his gaze to meet Clint's. "You mean go to New York?"
Clint shrugged, said, "Why not? Worth a shot and a lot better than sitting around like you're carrying the whole world on your shoulder," and cast Steve with a pitiful gaze that made Steve want to sink in his seat.
"Do I really look that depressed?"
One of Clint's eyebrows rose. "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?"
The feeling of utter defeat washed over Steve. He sighed, shoulders sagging. "I thought I'd forget, thought I could just move on, you know. But…." His eyes traveled to the vast expanse of blue water that stretched ahead.
"But you couldn't," Clint supplied, his tone taking on a serious note. "Don't fight it, buddy. It will only make things more difficult as it is."
"It's pointless, Clint. He did say there was nothing between us."
Clint made a derisive sound. "What did you expect? You knew him for a few days."
"I know." How naïve could he had been for thinking that the strong hold Tony had in him could grow into something meaningful? Steve had never felt so pathetic in his life. "I just… It may sound stupid but I couldn't, can't let go."
"Then do yourself a favor, Cap. Stop moping around and go to him. File a vacation, request to be transferred to the cruise that voyages across the Atlantic, or whatever. He wouldn't have left his address with you if he wasn't hoping for the same thing." Clint's words haunted Steve for another week. And another. And weeks turned into months.
But Steve did nothing. The paper that held Tony's address stayed in his shirt pocket then later on migrated to the desk drawer in his cabin.
Fate seemed to have taken over. Exactly three months and two weeks after Tony left, Steve had been transferred to a transatlantic cruise.
The pub he frequented was unusually full that evening. Unusual because it was Wednesday and the place was a hole-in-the-wall type near the harbor. Tony headed straight to the bar, shadowed by Nick and two other sentries who were all trying to be discreet. He beckoned the bartender over, said, "Hey Reed. Never thought I'd live a day to see this place packed," while sliding on the stool by the counter.
Reed barked a laugh and shook his head. "You're such a charmer, Mr. Stark. But yeah, it gets busy whenever a passenger ship docks and I heard there's a cruise ship from Europe that arrived two hours ago."
"A cruise ship?" From Europe? A surge of thrill shoots up Tony's back but he was quick to dismiss the unnecessary excitement. It couldn't be possible. Couldn't. And yet, Tony had this gut feeling that made him want to throw up.
"What would you have this evening? The usual?" Reed asked, distracting Tony from the suddenly unsettling notion that invaded his mind.
"Yes. Make it double." An idea hit him like a ton of brick and Tony raised his hand, said, "No, wait," and wondered why the heck he had this craving for something else. "Do you have any Burgundy Wine? Uh… Pinot Noir."
Reed seemed to regard Tony as if he'd grown another head. "Of course."
Tony resisted the urge to let his eyes wander, so instead, he watched Reed pour dark purple liquid into a flute and waited for the bartender to hand him his drink. "Here you go, Mr. Stark, enjoy."
The glass is almost half empty when Tony caught a figure glide inside the pub through the corner of his eye, prompting him to turn his head. His breath got caught in his throat when he saw who it was.
Steve? It couldn't be. Not after all these months.
The blond man spotted Tony and his lips curled up into a warm smile. In slow, sensual strides, he approached the bar, eyes never leaving Tony's face.
Tony's heart made a sudden leap and not a single muscle in his body could move.
"Hey," Steve said in a silky voice. "Pepper said I might find you here."
"Pepper?" was all Tony could utter. He still couldn't believe that Steve was there, right in front of him, in living flesh and bone and—
"Yeah. I went over to your place. She said you normally come here after a meeting."
"Oh." Tony had to pinch himself mentally, just to make sure he wasn't imagining things. "W-what are you doing here?"
"I'm captain of a transatlantic cruise ship called Black Widow now. We're currently docked at the nearby pier." Steve's eyes glimmering, soft gaze felt like a caress. "It's good to see you again, Tony," he said in a soft, mellow voice that melted Tony's resolve.
All those months he fought to get Steve out of his mind, out of his system, despite knowing it was a futile struggle. And now Steve was here. Tony doubted he could ever resist the man. It's one battle he was certain he'd never win.
"It's good to see you too, Steve." And that was all it took – for Tony to stomp down the denial that he's into Steve and the walls around him crumble down. "Can I buy you a drink?"
Steve eyed Tony's glass, one corner of his lips curling. "I'll have what you're having."
"So…" Tony took a sip of his wine, the tiny flame inside him igniting. "How long are you going to be here?"
Judging from the way Steve's eyes darkened, he must've picked up on Tony's innuendo. "Long enough to be reacquainted."
Tony's lips quirked, body singing with arousal. "You wanna get out of here after you've finished your drink then?" He had to find a way to get his sentries to leave him alone with Steve.
Steve gave a half shrug. "Sure."
It had been too long, too long and Steve had no idea how he'd survived without this, without Tony. For four long months, he'd succumbed to the emptiness growing inside him. This was what he had yearned for, what he had wanted – to touch Tony, to taste Tony again.
The feel of Tony's warm flesh against his palm sent a fervent need surging through his veins. His lips mapped every inch of Tony's skin; his tongue traced every curve and every dip of Tony's body. He had three digits inside Tony now, preparing him, seeking for that soft spot that often made Tony tremble.
The need, the maddening ache to claim Tony, even for just one night, was so strong that it was overpowering him, blinding him and Steve feared he'd lose control.
Sitting up on his haunches, Steve tore the package of condom with his teeth and rolled the latex material over his erection. He grabbed the bottle of lube, coated his cock with the clear gel and finally pushed into Tony, gritting his teeth in hopes of not coming too soon. He was almost at the edge.
"Oh god." Tony's fingers curled around Steve's arms, nails digging into the surface of Steve's skin. A litany of curses tumbled out of Tony's mouth and he's hissing, saying, "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," when Steve ground his hips.
"You like that, huh?" Steve said with a growl against Tony's ear. He sucked in a breath when he felt Tony's muscles tighten around his cock, driving Steve closer to his orgasm. He lifted himself up on his knees, pushed Tony's thighs higher so he can slam his cock inside Tony harder. Faster. Deeper.
"I'm close." Tony's hips moved in synch with Steve's, the wet sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the room.
"Me too." As soon as the words left Steve's mouth, the pressure building up in his groin ripped throughout his body, sucking him into a vacuum with nothing but white noise filling his ears. His mouth parted in a silent scream, eyes shut tightly while he rode through his climax.
It seemed to take a lifetime before Steve started climbing down from his euphoria and when he lifted his eyelids open, he saw Tony's hand curled around his own erection, moving in lightning speed and it didn't take long before he felt Tony clamp against his softening cock. Thick white fluid spurted from the tip of Tony's dick and landed on the plane of Tony's abdomen.
The elated feeling didn't leave Steve right away, his chest swollen with emotions he thought no longer existed. He claimed Tony's mouth with his, plunging his tongue in the warm cavern, relishing the taste of sweat and satiation and just Tony. Steve lifted his face to come up for air, his breathing erratic. "That was…."
"Yeah." A goofy smile split across Tony's face. "Yeah."
With the numbness creeping up his legs and arms, Steve collapsed beside Tony, planting a kiss on Tony's shoulder before lying flat on his back, arm tucked behind his head. "However did you convince your bodyguards to leave you with me?"
Tony sniggered. "I told them if they want to watch me have sex with another man, then they are free to stay."
It wasn't Tony's response but more of how casual Tony said it that bowled Steve over and he snapped his head to look at Tony. "You said that? You're not worried about Pepper finding out?"
"Not really. They're my sentries. They're loyal to me and only me. They will keep a secret if I ask them too and only when it's a matter of a life-and-death situation can they reveal it to another person."
A soft whistle went past Steve's lips. "That's deep. And complicated."
"Who says my life isn't full of complications?"
They lay side by side, soundless seconds spiraling into a minute, minutes stretching into an hour with nothing but their rhythmic breathing to fill the void.
It was Steve who stirred first, breaking the proverbial ice, his fingers tangling with Tony's. "I'll be here for three days," he said. "Then we sail to Florida, but I'll be back here a week after. Do you think…?" This was a gamble, he knew. If he were to jump into the same cycle, it could not end well. But if this was all he could have of Tony – with this pathetic affair – then so be it. He'd take anything. "While I'm around, I was hoping we could meet here everyday."
"Same room, same time?" There wasn't a sign of hesitation on Tony's part, far from what Steve had expected.
Steve all thought Tony would reject him, just like he did the last time they met. "If it's possible."
Tony shifted to lie on his side, facing Steve. He laid his palm on Steve's chest, just above his heart. "I'd like that."
So they met again the next night. And the next. From then on, whenever Steve returned to New York every three or four weeks, he and Tony would meet at the same hotel and Tony did all he could to get the same room.
It had been five months since Steve wormed his way back into Tony's life. Five months of secret rendezvous. Five months of mind-blowing sex. Five months of wondering where this thing they had would go.
This thing. This thing. Their tryst seemed to have taken control of Tony that he craved for it, his body ached for it as if sex with Steve was a life force that he needed to survive. What Tony feared the most though was how strongly he felt about Steve, like… like Steve was the only one who kept him sane all these months.
Taking over the leadership of a clan hadn't been easy. His life was in constant danger not only from his enemies but from within the organization as well. It wasn't something Tony had wanted, not something he asked for. Blood money certainly wasn't what he desired. But his fate was sealed into this kind of life, like a game he couldn't quit.
Day after day, week after week, Tony had to face the ugly scenarios that his life as a Jarvis head had to offer. Maybe he should just give up the seat to Bruce then. After all, the Banner clan was equal candidate for the title.
"Guess what?" Steve's voice yanked Tony out of his deep contemplation. "I uh… I've been thinking of moving back here, in the States. But not in New York." Steve slipped his arm underneath Tony's head and pulled Tony close, urging Tony to rest his head on Steve's shoulder. "I actually asked my friend Natasha to find me a place down at Santa Catalina. And she found one for me. I was thinking… Well, I'm planning to buy a small ship there, or maybe a yacht, and I can rent it out or…"
The rest of Steve's words sounded warped in Tony's ears and the only thought Tony could process was Why is Steve telling me this? Cold panic suddenly rushed through his veins. His attention sprang back to Steve when he felt the quick jerk of Steve's shoulder, followed by Steve's voice. "What do you think?"
"About what?" Tony tilted his head up and instantly realized it was a big mistake. He locked gazes with Steve and saw the clear reflection of hope on the surface of Steve's eyes turn into worry.
"About… about moving with me." There was a hint of uncertainty, maybe even uneasiness, in Steve's voice.
"To Santa Catalina?" The alarm in Tony's head went off. What Steve was asking wasn't the least bit feasible. What is Steve thinking? He's got to be out of his mind. When Steve nodded, Tony bolted upright and cast Steve an incredulous glare. "Do I have to remind you I'm married—?"
"To a woman you don't even love," Steve finished for him, though it wasn't exactly what Tony was about to say, but it did hit the mark.
"I can't just turn my back on my responsibilities to my clan, to the organization, to—"
"Everything else that was forced into your hands out of your own will."
"Steve."
"I just need a single answer, Tony. Yes or no." Steve looked away, apparently finding something interesting on the ceiling that he resisted to meet Tony's gaze.
"I…" Tony felt as if his soul was being ripped in ten million pieces. This brought a strange sense of déjà vu and Tony remembered the time he'd told Steve there was nothing between them. Yet destiny had stepped in and their paths crossed once more. It was like a cycle. He was back on that phase where Tony had to make a choice, unlike the business-related decisions he had to make everyday, this one was choosing between a life that was designed for him the moment he was born and a life that his heart desired.
"You don't have to decide now, Tony. You can think about it." Steve voice was so low that if it weren't too quiet in the hotel room, Tony probably would not have heard the words spoken.
Since that night, Tony was troubled by the unexpected proposal and when Steve returned three weeks later, Steve had announced that his plans were final. He already bought the house at Sta. Catalina and using his family fortune, purchased a small cruise ship that he intended to use for business.
"I will hand the Black Widow over to the new captain next week," Steve said over his glass of Burgundy wine. Reed's bar was only half full that night and Steve's voice seemed amplified in the stillness. "Then I leave for Santa Catalina on the eighteenth."
All Tony could do was grunt in response. He tried to hide whatever expression drawn on his face behind his glass of scotch.
"Have you thought about what I told you?" Steve said after a while. In truth, Tony had a stronger urge to accept Steve's offer, but there were a million things that was stopping him. He had never felt so indecisive, so lost in a sea of options. Steve must have taken Tony's silence as a sign of hesitation. "You don't have to give me an answer, Tony. I just… I bought you a plane ticket just in case." An envelope was placed before Tony. "You can either go to the airport on the eighteenth at six-forty in the evening and if you don’t show up, then I'd know what you're decision is."
There was one thing Tony had to know though. "If I don't show up, will I ever see you again?"
It must have taken a good stretch of a minute before Steve spoke again. "I'm going to Santa Catalina to start a new life," was the only response he offered. He didn't have to say anything more. Tony knew that meant there was a greater possibility that Steve would not be coming back. Ever.
When Tony got home a few hours later, sleep wouldn't come so he thought trying to get some work done in his study might help ease his mind. He hadn't realized that dawn was creeping in until a faint glow of orange peeked through the blinds. Pepper slipped into his study and placed a mug of steaming coffee on his desk. "Have you been working all night?" she asked without a tinge of implication in her pitch that Tony usually interpreted as accusation.
"Yeah." Tony pressed the pad of his thumb and middle finger against his closed eyelids trying to rid of the strain.
Only when Pepper said, "Working? Or thinking of someone?" did Tony pull his hand away and gawked at his wife. "It's Steve, isn't it?"
The room seemed to tilt and then it started spinning. Tony tried to decipher the look Pepper wore but he couldn't. "What?"
"I know about you and Steve, Tony." She raised her hand when Tony was about to speak. "And no one told me, I just… I figured it out on my own. You were always out whenever Steve was in town. You never wanted to sleep with me, can't even gape at me when I'm naked. I thought it was me, that I wasn't attractive but…" A sad smile graced her lips. "I realized, with Steve in the picture, that you aren't really interested in women in general. It was a shock at first, but hey, this is reality and things like this happen."
Regardless of how much sugar-coating she used, Tony could tell that Pepper simply meant that she had known Tony was gay all along. "Pepper, this thing with Steve, it's… it's complicated."
"It doesn't have to be." Pepper settled on the cushioned chair in front of Tony's desk. "I know you married me because you felt you had no choice. And you led our clans' organization because you inherited the responsibility." She tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear. "What I'm trying to say is, if you find something you really want to do in your life, something of your own choice, I won't get in your way. And the organization has a lenient rule that if in case the chosen head is unable to fulfill his duty, someone else can take his place."
"You think I don't know that? My father refused to hear reason back then." Out of desperation, Tony even considered running away. But he knew that if he left without a word, his father would surely send someone to hunt him down and kill him.
Pepper stretched her arm over Tony's desk, placed her hand over Tony's. "Let me try to talk to him," she said, giving Tony a reassuring squeeze.
Tony had no energy left to argue so he just gave a terse nod. "Thanks Pepper."
The last-call-for-boarding announcement blasted over the airport speakers. Steve glanced at his watch. It was twenty minutes before departure time. He paced a few feet from the gate, thinking he'd give it another five minutes.
When the ground stewardess approached him, said, "Sir, I'm afraid I have to ask you to board now. We're about to close the door."
Steve scanned the vicinity, as far as his eyes could reach, but there was no sign of Tony. This is it, he thought. His heart felt heavy with the realization that this could be the end of their whirlwind affair. He handed his ticket to the ground stewardess, and was about to cross the threshold when he heard someone call out to him.
Tony was standing there – a luggage sitting by his feet and a large bag slung on his shoulder, chest rising and falling as if he was trying to catch his breath. "You're not leaving without me, are you?"
Steve suppressed a smile, just stared at Tony indifferently and said, "You're late."
Tony strode over to the gate, pulling his luggage behind him, and handed the ticket over to the woman. "I had a long talk with my father before I left." A small smile slid on his lips. "Besides, it's better late than never right?"
Steve felt his heart was about to burst and he couldn't move, just searched Tony's face for any sign of mockery but Steve didn't find any. What he saw was unwavering sincerity. It was only until the ground stewardess said, "Sirs, we really have to close the door now," that Steve resumed walking, making his way to the plane with Tony right beside him.
THE END
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